ben

i was recently asked what the best message i’d received on onlyfans is, this is my answer

the best message someone has sent me in relation to online sex work has not been on onlyfans. It was an amalgamation of sweet nuthin’s sent by my greatest whale of all time, Ben #2, not to be confused with Ben #1 who is my flaky sugar daddy from Ohio who was brutally raped by his male 6th grade teacher and is married with 3 children and has never been to a big city and asks me what riding the bus is like. Ben #2 found me on twitter and approached me on instagram. And Ben #2 was something entirely different. He was a Bay Area project manager who became infatuated with me on twitter, and approached me on instagram to purchase nude content. at first i was apprehensive, given that this was last fall, and I hadn’t really being reaping what i had sowed on my twitter, meaning I wasn’t selling nude pictures despite the hoards of men waving bitcoin at me in my DMs desperate for even a peek of areola. i have been mostly ignoring any requests for pics no matter how high the price and only worked with men who were happy to send money for nothing in exchange or perhaps only for me to call them a worthless beta cuck ATM (they enjoy this). I also had a boyfriend, who i was growing increasingly frustrated with due to his lack of affection, and cold WASP sensibilities. I took a chance on Ben, and within a few messages he sent me thousands of dollars to gain my trust, before i ever even sent anything in return. we proceeded to have a non stop digital love affair for 24 hours in which i did not sleep, eat, or answer my boyfriend’s calls. Ben and I bonded over our nerdy mutual interests (the Canadian sketch show Kids in the Hall, the band Guided by Voices) and within an hour we were dropping the L word. Once we had maxed out the amount you can send and receive on Zelle, PayPal, and Cashapp he tasked me with filling up an amazon cart full of goodies which he would buy for me. This is when i found out amazon sells decent department store clothes, not just Chinese factory fast fashion with brand names like ZXHOUTRENDYGIRL and fabric breakdowns of approximately 99% plastic. I had all the pieces of mid tier Nordstrom brands such as Vince and Theory a girl could dream of. My mom and i spent afternoons together opening packages and flattening boxes in the living room in total splendor. 

But what did he say? it’d be easier to tell you what he didn’t say, within that first 24 hours like i had mentioned neither of us had slept and were as delirious as we were horny. But he said all the right things, it felt like we were entwined in a womb-like love sac filled with both of our cum instead of amniotic fluid. Whatever that means. like how he’d lovingly braid my hair, give me everything i could possibly want that money could afford, and the need to feel my pussy juices in his dick hole to feel closer to me. Our love affair was cut short when my boyfriend, increasingly concerned at my lack of communication despite telling me to stop texting him all the time asked me if i was “off having a bender or cheating or something?” The lady doth protest too much, i thought. But things naturally cooled down when Ben face revealed and my disgust was too great to continue. He was understandably depressed about it but couldn’t stay away, and we were back on the wagon a few short days later, though our communication grew sparse, and big money sends became less frequent. Something was up, and i pestered to him to tell me what, because aside from the tab he had racked up that was now somewhere in the tens of thousands, i cared about Ben. I loved Ben. I thought Ben was never going to leave me, and when he said he wanted to take care of me, he would follow through on that promise. Ben told me he was depressed, felt unlovable, hated his job, but insisted he still cared for me and would toss me a couple hundos. Until one day he dropped off, after answering a logistical question I asked about the amount he’d spent on a Vince cardigan I was returning for a different size to make sure I wasn’t getting ripped off by the amazon call center workers, their fate being one i narrowly escaped because of men like Ben. he never messaged me again. His telegram says “last seen a long time ago.” I think that means he blocked me.

Ben ended up spending around $27,000 on me including gifts. But he taught me an important lesson, whales, aka big spenders as they’re known colloquially in the sex work world, always leave. Often without notice, it’s different to civvie hinge ghosting, but i can’t tell you exactly why. It feels more personal, it hurts badly. I’ve had string of whales, some surpassing Ben in dollar amounts, but I’ve learned to never grow too fond of them, or to believe their proclamations of love, because one day they will leave you alone in the fantasy bubble you both have created, to go back to their wives, children, girlfriend, or they found a girl hotter than you to throw money at. Usually it’s that. I loved Ben, and I look for him in every new whale I encounter. But I’ve learned to run their pockets dry and move on. I’m sure there is a Buddhist concept to go along with this lesson.

So to answer your question, the best message I’ve ever been sent is probably “i want to feel your pussy juices in my dick hole to feel closer to you”